We live in a world where statistics talk to us about success, progress and failure. When trying to grow your family, it can seem like fertility rates are everywhere. We google them, fertility clinics market them, and we measure ourselves against them.
On the one hand, they give valuable insight into population dynamics, reproductive trends, and clinic success. On the other hand, they give us something else to worry about, judge ourselves against and wonder if we’re making the right decision. Not only does this add to our frustration but heartache too.
In this blog, we’ll uncover what fertility rates are, and how they can be interpreted but more than that, we’ll uncover the emotional impact and how you can truly protect yourself from more hurt whilst being fully informed too.
Through personal anecdotes, expert insights, and practical advice you’ll be empowered to navigate your journey differently, with or without the stats.
Join me, let’s go!
What do they mean?!
Fertility rates on the face of it are a great indicator of reproductive patterns within populations. They give us a global and regional insight into different family makeups. We get to understand the average number of children born to women at certain age brackets over a specific period or in a certain location. On the wider level, they shape demographic trends and policy decisions.
These rates vary significantly between countries. They reflect cultural norms, socioeconomic factors, and healthcare accessibility. It’s a big old melting pot of varying factors – not easy to navigate when you’re desperate for a baby. Even when you know this, in a world where you need answers, the numbers can give some comfort – even when they’re painful. (we’ll come back to why this happens later!)
Clinics, and the HFEA (in the UK), share their numbers like some kind of scorecard. It’s so useful until it isn’t. When searching for a clinic, the numbers can be bamboozling. While clinics help individuals achieve their family-building dreams, financial and reputational goals should be considered when highlighting certain figures. It’s something worth remembering when choosing a clinic based on the numbers.
These rates are the one thing we can hold onto. A determining factor to support personal and medical decision-making processes. They also can shape the way we feel about ourselves and where we are in the process.
Let’s take a closer look…
In the UK and the US, fertility rates are shown to be declining in recent years, reaching historic lows. This is scary on the face of it. “Infertility is on the rise” is the message. And it is, however other factors come into play; delayed childbearing, economic uncertainty, access to reproductive healthcare services, reliance on assisted reproductive technologies and cultural shifts. Suddenly it’s not such a simple equation we can neatly predict our future on.
What you need to know
When considering or factoring fertility rates into our own narrative, there’s some things we want to keep in mind:
- Our instinctive need for answers and reasons
When we don’t know or understand something, our mind instinctively looks for answers or reasons. Once we have those, we can “fix” the issue. Fertility rates in some way go towards addressing this innate human need. This happens especially when it comes to age.
I personally experienced this too when I was advised to conceive by the age of 27 because of medical issues. I was full of dread, fear and self-doubt as the years passed. The further away from the number the bigger the black cloud I was in. It wasn’t until I was 37 that I finally conceived (with 1 ovary and no tubes via IVF) highlighting the disconnect between statistical averages and individual realities.
- The benefit of statistics
If we search hard enough, we can often find a statistic we’re looking for. This can be invaluable in many situations. It helps guide us on the best choice, and shapes our view of how to proceed. However, when it comes to fertility rates it can add to our negative self-talk and internal narrative. It’s give the ‘bully on our shoulder’ ammunition to keep us stuck. However, there’s often a lot behind the statistics that are moulding them in some way.
- Emotions vs Reality
Our emotional response is huge. It’s worth far more than the statistic itself in many ways. We can approach life and decisions from a clearer perspective by controlling our emotional responses.
The impact
The emotional response to fertility rates is often complex. They can give us hope when seemingly on our side. Yet, fear and anxiety when not.
When it comes to cycles and an awareness of the range of fertility rates there is a typical coping mechanism that’s seen time and time again. This is to mentally prepare for a failed cycle in an attempt to limit the disappointment when/if it does happen. However, this approach is futile because the pain associated with a negative outcome will still be there whether or not prepared for. Doing this is prolonging the anxiety or compounding it with additional layers of grief.
Within work or friendship groups the impact of going through a fertility journey also exacerbates emotional distress, with extra feelings of guilt, isolation, and inadequacy. The pressure to perform at work while navigating the emotional turmoil of fertility treatments takes a toll on mental well-being, not to mention performance too.
Whilst this may not be directly due to the fertility rates narrative, there’s a high likelihood that it’s been impacted as a measure in our perceived success.
Recognising and addressing the various emotional responses is crucial for individuals on their fertility journey. By doing this there is a sense of being more in control of our journey, rather than controlled by it.
These fertility rates unhelpfully highlight the impact of age too. The pressure to conceive by a certain age creates a sense of urgency and desperation. Each passing year becomes a painful reminder of unmet expectations and dreams, compounded by the statistical notion of an “optimum time” for conception.
The perceived optimal age anxiety is further exacerbated as friends and colleagues get pregnant around us, fuelling our feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Each pregnancy announcement or baby milestone becomes a painful reminder of perceived stagnation, intensifying the emotional toll of fertility rates.
A different approach, with even better results
Remember always that statistics and fertility rates are not indicative of everyone’s reality. It might seem obvious, but keeping this in mind is so key.
Practical coping strategies and techniques help hugely in better managing this emotional time. Science based research tells us that mindfulness, hypnosis and EFT can get to the root of our beliefs and change the internal bully narrative that’s holding us back.
Psychosomatic practices such as acupressure and anchoring can help bring about a genuine sense of calm in the chaos. This means we can take control and reduce the overwhelm.
Having a different way to manage emotions, rather than be managed by them helps us to feel empowered. We can take control of our thoughts and feelings, rather than feel they’re taking control of us.
Having a more proactive approach to our mindset results in us feeling more empowered, in control of what’s happening to us and in us. This way of life is invaluable for different scenarios, not only when TTC or dealing with loss.
Seeking support from loved ones or friends can help, although that can also be tricky too. They don’t always know how to help us and we try to protect them from our hurt. It’s like being caught between a rock and a hard place.
Connecting with mental health experts who’ve been through a similar journey gives a safe space to share and be understood, while at the same time benefiting from guidance of how to move forward in a way that works and is right for you.
Above all…
…We must stay true to our path. While fertility rates may suggest otherwise, miracles can happen outside of statistical norms. Being ‘positive’ isn’t the answer here. But neither is protecting ourselves by thinking ‘it might never happen’. Instead, rebuilding our self-belief, and belief in our body, can foster a deep sense of peace within that means we no longer need to fake the positive mindset. It’s something that comes more naturally in the process. The approach also feels safer without the rollercoaster of deep lows and highs.
By prioritising personal growth, resilience, and emotional well-being, there’s a more supportive and nurturing environment for conception to happen. It’s normal to instinctively focus on getting pregnant, after all, that’s the aim, but there’s so much more that’s important too.
Imagine being on this journey and still living a fulfilling and meaningful life. Truly understanding the link between wellbeing and fertility success. Wouldn’t it be amazing?
Connecting with others in a similar situation, or with experience of similar is incredibly valuable. However, the key is to find the right support group, one that has a good balance between understanding and empowering.
A peer-to-peer support group led by an expert is incredibly beneficial. It gives a safe space for sharing and vulnerability while offering expert guidance and support. If you’re interested in joining something like this, add your name to this waiting list to know when the doors open to my group again. You can do that HERE
Seeking professional 1:1 support can also offer valuable support and guidance, providing individuals with tools and strategies for managing stress, coping with emotions, and navigating fertility-related challenges. If you’d like to break free from the internal negative chatter, and learn how to feel safe at any time, this is what you need HERE. It’s completely free and yours to download right away. It includes a written guide, short video and even a meditation!
What next
In conclusion, the emotional toll of fertility rates is undeniable, significantly affecting individuals and couples when trying to grow their family. Here we’ve explored the significance of fertility rates, the impact on emotional well-being, and strategies for coping and finding support.
Fertility rates help us understand trends but, when we’re on the journey ourselves we need to be cautious of them, as well as the anxiety and uncertainty they create. If we can redefine success beyond fertility rates we make space for more resilience and better well-being.
As you navigate your fertility journey, remember that emotional well-being is just as important as achieving pregnancy. You are stronger than you know, and there is hope for the future, however that future pans out. By embracing vulnerability, seeking support, and prioritising self-care, you can navigate infertility with resilience and courage. Your journey is unique. You deserve to approach it with compassion, hope, and empowerment.
Remember, you are not alone in your fertility journey, and there are resources available to support you every step of the way.
Connect with me on Instagram or LinkedIn for more support when you need it.